Aftermath
by fireblazie
Summary: A darker look into the EriolxTomoyo story.
1. Change

****

Disclaimer: I own not Cardcaptor Sakura. Yeah. Life bites, don't it?

Chapter 1: Change

Daidouji Tomoyo was a good best friend. She supported her best friend in everything she did, she had a funny habit of videotaping her best friend in everything she did, she cheered her best friend up whenever she was feeling down, and she was there for every little thing that her best friend went through.

Part of the reason might be because her best friend had lost her mother at a young age. Her best friend was stuck with a loving father and a loving older brother -- although he didn't show his love like you would normally show it. She didn't have any female guidance, to put it simply. And it was Tomoyo's duty as a best friend to provide that female guidance.

Daidouji Tomoyo also happened to be in love with her best friend.

No, she didn't just love her, as in a **friendly** way.

She was **in love** with her best friend.

But did she tell her? Did she confess? Did she get her to come around like a best friend always could? Did she simply disregard the fact that her best friend was happily involved in a relationship?

No. Of course not. She kept everything bottled inside, refusing to let Sakura know that her love for her was anything different than a best friend's.

Others knew. They saw and they looked, and they pitied her. But Tomoyo held her head up high and refused to be thwarted. Her best friend was happy. Sakura-chan was happy.

And who was she to ruin that?

If Sakura-chan was happy, then she was happy.

_"Her happiness is my happiness."_

If she told Sakura-chan, then Sakura-chan would obviously be sad because she couldn't ever return Tomoyo's affections the way Tomoyo wanted her to. It wouldn't be fair, it wouldn't be right to ask that of her. Sakura-chan wanted everybody to be happy.

And Tomoyo wanted whatever Sakura-chan wanted.

Even if it ate her up inside.

---

"So we were going out to eat ice cream," Sakura told her animatedly, waving her arms around to make her point, "and Syaoran bought **three** servings of chocolate ice cream --"

Tomoyo nodded. She had to watch and smile and nod. It was part of being a best friend.

"-- and then Oniichan showed up --"

Tomoyo flinched. Already it was sounding dangerous.

"-- with Yukito-san --"

Tomoyo raised an eyebrow.

"-- and they decide to go sit in the booth right next to ours."

Tomoyo sighed dramatically and dejectedly, mostly just for show. "I'm sorry," she said sympathetically. "It must be horrible having someone like that."

Sakura sighed, collapsing on her desk. "You're **soooo** lucky, Tomoyo-chan! You're an only child!"

Tomoyo smiled. "But you know Touya only does that because he loves you."

Sakura pulled a face. "I know. But I wish he'd show it differently."

_"But I wish he'd show it differently."_

How many times had Tomoyo thought the exact same thing? She wished Sakura would love her... differently. But what good was wishing? It couldn't be. It would never be.

Tomoyo sat back, leaning fully into the plastic back of her chair, dangling her legs. Idly she fiddled with the hem of her skirt, half-listening to her best friend.

Even now, it hurt.

---

He looked the same as he did before he left. The same dark blue locks, the same piercing azure eyes, the same clear glasses. Taller, maybe, and considerably more muscular, but he was still the same person, wasn't he?

He smelled the crisp autumn air. The leaves would change color soon. They were already on the verge of it, going from the fresh green to the pale yellow.

Tomoeda really hadn't changed, he realized as he pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. It was still the same, less-than-ordinary city he had spent some of his time in. This had certainly been full of memories, hadn't it? With a wry half-smile on his face, he wondered, vaguely, fleetingly, if he ought to visit some of his old friends.

"It's still the same, isn't it?" Nakuru stated eagerly, walking to stand beside him. She held Spinel to her chest, looking out in the direction Eriol was looking at.

"It is," agreed Eriol.

Days passed, as they always did. With the unstoppable flow of time came obstacles, and challenges. It brought the new fragrance of life, the faded scent of memories, and pain.

Outwardly, he acted the same, of course, smiling with that same smile of his. He continued to tease his little descendant, continued to make things a little more interesting than they usually were. But he kept his distance. He built up a wall around himself, almost unknowingly. He watched from the sidelines, never taking part, never stealing the show. His show-stealing days were over. Now, he was content to be an observer.

It was still the same class he had left behind, he thought mildly, there was Sakura-san, his little descendant, Yamazaki, Chiharu, Naoko, Rika... but there had to be someone missing. Someone was missing, someone crucial, someone very, very important.. yet he couldn't quite place his finger on it..

The classroom door swung open, and Sakura looked up. She smiled at the newcomer.

"Tomoyo-chan!"

Eriol raised an eyebrow. Had it truly been so long he had forgotten? He really must have been tired if he had forgotten about Daidouji-san... she had, after all, played a crucial role.

"Sakura-chan," acknowledged Tomoyo in a much calmer manner. She smiled at the auburn-haired girl, the smile that she reserved only for her, and her alone.

Oh. Of course.

How had he forgotten?

"You were on vacation in Osaka for the past week, so you missed it," Sakura informed Tomoyo. "Sooooo guess what? Eriol-kun came back!"

Tomoyo blinked, digesting this information. "He did?"

Sakura nodded. "Yup! And he's right there!" He pointed to Eriol's seat, a little bit away from the circle of students.

For the first time in nearly six years, sapphire met amethyst.

The world seemed to stop.

"Hiiragizawa-kun," Tomoyo said curtly.

Eriol inclined his head, just a little bit. "Daidouji-san."

Frozen. Frozen.

Melting.

All so suddenly.

Outside, the leaves fell steadily from the trees. They changed color, from green, to orange, to yellow. Changing, changing, never ceasing.

Because change was inevitable, after all.

--** tsuzuku: to be continued** --

Okiedokie, I've never been good at this kind of fic -- you know, the serious kind. I haven't exactly planned out exactly how this fic is going to go, but I'm planning for it to be a dark, angsty kind of story.The kind I haven't had much experience with, so deal with me! ;;

Comments and criticisms are always welcome!


	2. Truth

****

Disclaimer: I own not CCS. Life bites.

Chapter 2: Truth

If someone were to ask him what he thought of Sakura and Syaoran's relationship, Eriol would reply, very nonchalantly, of course, that it was a rather cute love the two shared. And he would be telling the truth. Even at the tender age of sixteen it was easy to tell that the two were madly and boldly in love, and that hell would freeze over twice before they ever split up.

If someone were to ask him what he thought of Daidouji Tomoyo, the popular best friend of Sakura who still tended to videotape the two on their dates, Eriol would reply, through a tight smile, that she was a very lovely and elegant girl and that Sakura-san was very lucky to have her for a best friend. And that would be the truth. But it would not be the **complete** truth.

Who was he to try and figure out the enigma called Daidouji Tomoyo? In more ways than one, the raven-haired lass was more complex than he -- and she had no magic, no previous magical incarnation to blame that on. How could he even **try** to comprehend her? He couldn't even figure out half of her. And if he couldn't figure out even half of her, how could he honestly reply and tell someone exactly what he thought of her?

They talked sometimes. It was unavoidable. They shared all their classes together. They **had** to talk, sometimes. And when they did, there was this strained politeness that always stretched over the conversation.

"Hiiragizawa-kun," she would say in the mornings, a small smile on her face.

It was fake, it was all so fake.

"Daidouji-san," he would reply, for she was always the one who started their greetings. He would smile back courteously and watch as she took her seat.

Still, in front of him.

Quietly.

Just like the mystery, the riddle that she was.

He would be lying, of course, if he was to say that she didn't intrigue him, for she did, and very greatly at that. She could do the tiniest, most unnoticable little thing and he would be enraptured in her. Through her. Was that odd? He didn't know, he really didn't know anymore.

Maybe it struck him as odd, or surprised him, whichever sounds best, that she could be content to merely sit back and watch as the love of her life was taken into the arms of another person. Maybe it fascinated him that she was able to watch as someone else comforted the one she loved, as somebody else stroked **her** hair and held **her** and simply **belonged** with **her**. It was a void that only Syaoran could fill. Tomoyo would never do in Sakura's eyes, not in **that** way. And maybe Tomoyo knew that, and that was why she forced herself to linger in the background, further away, but close enough, so that if Sakura ever changed her mind, she would be there, waiting, waiting, with arms held out...

Eriol wrinkled his brow. What a pathetic, lonely existence that would be.

Surely Daidouji-san was better than that.

Surely she wouldn't let herself drown in such misery.

"Oh! Tomoyo-chan!" Sakura hugged her best friend tightly. "I almost didn't see you!"

Dark eyes stared into perky green ones. "You looked so happy. I didn't want to disturb you."

Sakura pouted, her lower lip jutting out. "But we're best friends, Tomoyo-chan, it wouldn't matter."

Tomoyo smiled, a fragile, pale hand reaching out and landing tentatively on the ever cheerful Sakura's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

Eriol turned away.

How cruel her solitary existence was.

Living only to watch the one she loved being taken into someone else's arms..

Only living in the hopes that her love would one day be reciprocated.

It was sickening.

Then again, he was going through the same thing himself.

---

Tomoyo watched carefully, out of the corner of her eye. She never attracted much attention. She never did. She never wanted to. She was content to sit out, to simply watch and not do anything.

Sakura tried to include her, as it was a very Sakura thing to do. Sometimes Tomoyo indulged her, sitting with them and contributing to the conversation. Other times she merely sat with them, pretending to listen, yet allowing her mind to wander.

She could never stop herself from watching them, no matter how hard she tried. The small, almost invisible details, like the way their hands touched, the way their eyes met, the way Sakura smiled only for Syaoran always caused a hollow ache in her heart.

Often, Sakura would invite Tomoyo to walk home with them. Her house was on the way to Sakura's, after all, but Tomoyo would always decline, making up excuses like she had to stay after school to practice singing for the latest choir concert, or that she had to finish up some work for something or other.

But the truth was, she just couldn't stand to see them **together**, obviously being so happy and content.

She couldn't stand it.

This bitter existence.

"Beautiful work, Tomoyo!" The choir teacher told her appreciatively, smiling. "The choir festival is sure to be a hit with you as the star!"

"Thank you, sensei," Tomoyo replied hollowly as she arranged all her choir papers into her binder and stuffing it into her book bag. She clasped it shut. "I'll see you tomorrow."

She left.

The sun was making its descent, coloring the blue sky with orange and yellow streaks. She saw this through the floor-to-ceiling window at the end of the hall. Her mother would come home from work, and most probably rant a little bit about Nadeshiko-san and how Fujitaka-san had stolen her from him, and then eat dinner.

It wasn't that her mother ignored her. It was just that her mother wanted more. Her mother wanted Sakura. Sakura was the last thing Nadeshiko had left on this world, and her mother wanted that, she wanted it so much. And Tomoyo couldn't become Sakura. She wanted Sakura as well.

Then she heard it.

The piano.

And then her feet were being drawn to the other music room, the one two doors down from the one she had just left. She had a sinking feeling. She was quite sure she knew who was in there. There was, after all, only one person who could play so beautifully and draw her so easily.

Eriol held his hands pressed over the last chord, and then turned to face her, smiling.

"Daidouji-san. I didn't realize you were still here."

Polite, polite as always.

Tomoyo nodded. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude."

Eriol shook his head. "No, it's all right."

There was nothing else either one of them could have said. This was how it had been, and this was surely how it would always be.

"We haven't had a lot of chances to talk, have we?" remarked Eriol, his fingers absentmindedly playing with the piano keys, going from white to black. "Since I came back, I mean."

"No, we haven't," Tomoyo agreed. She tentatively stepped into the room. One step. Then two.

"Nothing has changed, I don't think," Eriol went on, steadily playing and going to the lower keys.

"No," replied Tomoyo, "Tomoeda is a town that doesn't change."

"As are you."

"I'm sorry?" Tomoyo frowned.

"You haven't changed," Eriol repeated, genially.

"I suppose I haven't," Tomoyo conceded slowly. She began to back up.

"Neither have your feelings?"

Tomoyo was prepared. "What are you getting at, Hiiragizawa-kun?"

"Well," and Eriol tilted his head, fingers never leaving the piano, "you still love Sakura-san, don't you?"

"...." Tomoyo fixed a calculating look on him, "I do."

"Don't you think it's been going on long enough?" The song he was playing grew steadily faster and higher.

Tomoyo kept up her barriers. She had kept it up for so long already -- and they were not coming down now. "Maybe it has. But I don't believe it's any of your business."

"I've seen the way you look at her." Eriol was treading on dangerous ground. Yet he had a way of forcing open her barriers, breaking down her walls. "Don't you think it's enough? Sakura-san unconsciously feels that you aren't happy, and since you aren't, she isn't. You don't want that, do you?"

"Sakura-chan is very happy," she insisted. "You don't understand -- you don't know what you're talking about."

The polite atmosphere was falling apart.

"She loves Xiao Lang." Still he called him that. "Or Li-kun, as you say."

"I know that." Her voice was growing dangerous.

"You've been causing yourself nothing but grief and pain."

"I have not --" Suddenly Tomoyo felt so weak, so tired. "Please," she said softly, "stop." She closed her eyes.

"You've been exhausting yourself." The music stopped, and she heard him walk closer to her. "Keeping up this excuse for a life you have. Watching her. But never having her."

Her eyes stung. Why?

Softly, quietly, so much that she barely heard it:

"I know how you feel."

Warm arms wrapped around her shivering frame.

"I lost her... She left me, you know.."

Tomoyo buried her face in his shirt.

"..Kaho...she must be married by now, I think.."

And Tomoyo broke down.

Because the truth of it was...

He knew.

He understood.

Everything he had said...

It was all the truth.

--** tsuzuku: to be continued** --

This is a **different** story, for me. As in, it's angst. As angsty as I can get, you know. Anyhow, what I'm trying to say is that this will be a fairly short story. Less than ten chapters, probably. I can't keep up with the angst... ah...


	3. Silence

****

Disclaimer: I own not CCS. Mm-hmm.

****

Aftermath

Chapter 3: Silence

It's strange how one fateful encounter can change you for life. Under normal circumstances, Eriol and Tomoyo's relationship would most probably not have changed -- they would still skirt around each other, treat each other with that same strained politeness. And life would go on, without them ever growing closer.

But the truth of it was, Eriol **understood** Tomoyo. He knew what was in her mind, her heart, without her ever having to say it. It was a little weird at times -- but Tomoyo had never stopped there.

"No," he said, "it's not **weird**. It's **fate**."

Tomoyo giggled. He was the only one that could ever make her do so.

"Fate?"

"Fate," affirmed Eriol. "You should be very pleased. Not a lot of people get a first-hand encounter with fate."

Slowly, Tomoyo started to socialize more. Her skin grew less pale, and she even started to smile, much to Sakura's delight. Was she still bitter? A little, a little. She couldn't erase all the emotions overnight, after all.

But who did she talk to the most? Who did she run to, who did she come to find, even if it was late at night, just to merely talk? Was it Sakura, her long-time best friend?

Sometimes.

But mostly, it was him.

Eriol.

And people talked, as people will. They talked of this new transfer student, that attractive Hiiragizawa Eriol, who was growing closer and closer to that rich Daidouji Tomoyo. They talked of how this new transfer student, known as That Boy with the Glasses had, in essence, **changed** the rich choir star, known as The Girl You Can Only Look At, But Never Touch.

Was she, however, still in love with Sakura?

Yes. She was.

This, of course, had been brought up in one of the many conversations she had with the reincarnation of Clow Reed. Eriol had tried to help, in his own little way.

"You can't **make** yourself fall **in** love, much less fall **out**," he explained.

Tomoyo had known that. Maybe that was why she had surrendered so easily. She just succumbed to this thing called love, and it had ruined her ever since.

People had talked about how They were probably an Item. Tomoyo paid no heed to them, of course. Gossip and rumors were part of high school. She didn't listen, and if she happened to hear, she pretended not to.

On a scale of one to ten, one being the lowest, ten being the highest, Eriol and Tomoyo definitely got a ten in the "most scandalous" category. For who would have thought, that this "new guy" who just came in could have already gotten into the good graces of **the** Daidouji Tomoyo?

But **were** they an item?

No.

They weren't.

They were just friends, in the oddest sense of the word. He calmed her and soothed her, and helped her with her masquerade, helped her keep her mask in place.

And when things got too much for her, he held her and let her cry.

"I am such a moron, aren't I?" she had stated bitterly, allowing the tears to cascade freely down her cheeks.

"No, you're not," Eriol reassured her, stroking her hair. "You're not."

"So why do I do this to myself?" she asked him. "Why do I let myself watch them -- and -- and --"

"Shh," was all he had said, but it was enough.

Maybe that was why she was drawn to him.

Even in the silence, his mere presence was comfort enough for her.

---

He was not the same person he used to be six years ago.

Six years ago, he lived to torment his "cute little descendant" and to guide Sakura-san, the newly picked Mistress of the Cards. Six years ago, he had been considerably happy.

Six years ago, he had been in love.

But love came and went, fleeting as it was. The result had been immensely tragic, immensely painful. Four years ago, that had happened, but the period of four years was not enough to release him from the sorrowful state he had been trapped in.

He tried to convince himself otherwise. He **was**, technically, still Hiiragizawa Eriol, the same reincarnation of Clow Reed, much too old now for doing much of anything. He was, technically, the same person.

He wasn't, not anymore.

Tomoyo told him so.

"You've changed," she'd told him thoughtfully, sitting next to him, barely two inches apart, amid the hungry eyes of the gossiping cheerleaders and jocks. Her head leaned against his shoulder.

"Have I?"

She tilted her head. "Yes," she answered decisively. "Something's happened to you."

He allowed a smile to grace his lips. "I could never fool you."

She sighed. "You don't have to say anything."

He didn't.

"We're two old fools," she said suddenly, but very quietly, of course. "Two old fools who couldn't let go of their first loves."

"You've put it all into words," he told her, appreciatively. "You've always had a knack for that."

She closed her eyes. "I wish it weren't so."

He tried to remain lighthearted. "Your knack for words or being two old fools?"

She opened her eyes. "Being two old fools." She wasn't joking.

"So do I," he said, suddenly feeling the weight of the world, the weight of being Clow Reed **and** Hiiragizawa Eriol both at once, the weight of being unable to let go of love, all on his shoulders. "So do I.."

---

On a late Sunday night, Eriol was unable to sleep. It was raining outside. There went a flash of lightning, and a shocking clap of thunder.

It was dark. Pitch-black, with the exception of the lightning every few minutes.

In the darkness, he groped towards his left, where he knew the telephone sat, waiting, waiting.

There was nothing he could have done to stop himself.

It was dark, and his eyes were closed, muffled against his pillow.

His fingers found the keypad, found the numbers, the numbers to her personal phone.

_Ring. Ring._

Barely three rings had gone by before he heard the sound of someone picking up the receiver. He waited for her to answer.

"Hello?"

"It's me," he said.

"I know," she replied.

Perhaps it was that she always knew the right things to say, that she always knew that it was him and no one else that he always came to her. Perhaps...

"I couldn't sleep," he stated honestly, turning over to lie on his back. He fingered the edge of his blanket.

"I thought as much," she answered, slightly amused. "What shall we talk about this time?"

This time. This hadn't been the first time, had it?

"Something happened...on this day..." he found himself telling her, a little reluctantly.

"......" was the reply. "Four years ago?"

She knew. "Yes," he told her.

"I'm sorry." Her tone was sincere and compassionate. She understood, she **knew**. "It must be hard."

Eriol pulled at the blankets, lifting them over his head. He stared through the thin sheets up to the ceiling. Without his glasses, everything was so blurry.

"Next week," Tomoyo said, voice strained, "is Sakura-chan and Li-kun's anniversary."

It was more painful for her, he realized abruptly, because she had to **see** it all. Unlike him.

"I'm sorry." His voice was low and husky.

She tried to laugh, and failed. It ended up coming out as a choking, sobbing sound.

"You're right, as always," he said softly, almost like a whisper, "we really are two old fools."

Tomoyo tried to laugh again. It sounded better. "Someone has to do the job."

"I remember what Kaho told me," Eriol recounted, "she said that 'it wasn't working out'... that.. it wasn't meant to be, that she had found someone new..." He found himself laughing as well, a bitter, hollow sound, "and before I knew it, a wedding invitation had arrived in the mail."

"That was cruel," Tomoyo whispered. "You don't deserve that, Eriol."

_Eriol_. Wasn't this the first time she'd called him by that?

"You don't deserve it either, Tomoyo." Her name, three syllables, rolled off his tongue naturally, like it had always been meant for his lips.

"We don't," she agreed. "Two old fools who have found solace in each other."

Here it came.

"Why don't we... as they say, 'get together'?" he asked her, out of the blue.

"....." The silence was practically deafening. "What are you saying?"

"It could be fun," Eriol said, still blithely. "We both understand each other. We both are, in a word, perfect for each other. It could be interesting."

"I'm not sleeping with you."

For the first time in a long time, Eriol smiled, widely. "I'm not asking you to."

"I'm not promising that I'll fall in love with you."

"I'm not asking you to."

"What will be the point?" she inquired.

"No point," he said.

"Like a game, you're saying."

"I assure you, Tomoyo, it will not be as simple as a game." He pulled the sheets down from his head, leaving them at his waist.

From the other end came a long-drawn-out sigh. "I think this is awfully dangerous, Eriol..."

He waited for her to continue.

"...but all right."

Eriol sat up, resting his head in his hands, fully awake, fully conscious, fully aware.

"Nobody ever said two old fools couldn't have a little fun," he told her, reassuringly.

Only silence came from the other end, but for Eriol, it was good enough.

--** tsuzuku: to be continued** --


	4. Pain

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Disclaimer: I own not CCS.

Chapter 4: Pain

"I heard you and Eriol-kun are an item now!" Sakura smiled, it was obvious that she wasn't doing this for gossiping purposes, but for the purpose of being a best friend. Tomoyo primly took her seat, Eriol close behind her.

"...yes," Tomoyo replied. She wasn't fully convinced about the idea yet, but Eriol had told her to "give it time."

"That's good!" Sakura told her cheerfully. "I was getting worried about you. You seemed awfully lonely all the time, and I thought maybe something was wrong..."

Tomoyo stiffened.

"But I'm sure Eriol-kun can make you happy, right?"

"....."

Eriol leaned over his desk and patted Sakura's shoulder. "Don't worry, Sakura-san, I'll take care of your best friend, don't worry."

Sakura smiled. "I just want to see you guys happy. Especially you, Tomoyo-chan."

Tomoyo forced a smile. "I know. Thank you."

"Oh, no problem!" Sakura lit up as the classroom door swung open, revealing Syaoran. "I'll see you later, okay?"

Tomoyo nodded.

Eriol's hand, previously on Sakura's shoulder, came to rest on Tomoyo's as he sat back down on his chair.

"You okay?" he asked quietly.

She didn't answer. He watched as mixed emotions fluttered over her face, as she watched Sakura laughing, Syaoran talking, both of their faces flushed.

"No," she finally replied, leaning back and resting her head against his desk.

"No," Eriol agreed, touching Tomoyo's cheek. "But you will be."

---

Her eyes were a startling purple color. He'd taken to calling it amethyst, which irked her for some reason. She claimed it sounded much too fancy.

There were times when he found himself lost in the depths of those amethyst eyes.

There were times when he stared right into them...

And for a short, brief moment...

He would forget...

About **everything**.

The moment was short-lived, of course, and once he was able to rip his eyes away from hers everything would suddenly come rushing back, back, back.

All the memories..

All the pain..

But she eased it, in a way no one else could -- except, perhaps, the causer of the pain. But that was out of the question, something that could never happen.

"Your eyes," he'd murmured one day.

She drew her eyebrows together, "..my eyes?"

Eriol pulled his knees up, resting his chin on them. "They're quite beautiful, I think."

She blinked, and then, pulled a face. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm okay," he answered.

What was he feeling right now? Peace? Contentment?

He didn't want it to end. Ever.

---

His eyes were a deep, dark blue, and could suck you in without so much as a warning. Tomoyo knew, because she had been sucked into them many, many times.

"My eyes?" she had repeated. This was the same conversation.

"Yes. They're amethyst." A small grin crept up on his lips -- he knew she didn't like it when he called them amethyst.

She rolled her eyes. "Why don't we talk about your eyes?"

He shrugged. "They're all right."

"They're blue," she pointed out.

He smiled. "I know that much."

"They're..." She struggled for a word. "Sapphire. Azure."

"And you said 'amethyst' was too much of a fancy word," he said jokingly.

"Sakura-chan's eyes are green," Tomoyo suddenly found herself saying. "Jade green."

He touched the palm of her hand. "Amethyst is a much better color, to me."

She tried to smile.

"I tried to forget about her," she told him wistfully. "Over summer break, I think three years ago. I just stopped thinking about her. I threw away everything she had ever given me. Even that eraser she gave me when we first met, have I told you about that? I threw them all away, and watched as the garbage truck took them to the dump."

She paused.

"What next?" Eriol asked gently.

She smiled gingerly, and she took his hand. "I was walking to the park. And by that time, the cherry blossom trees have stopped blooming, and some of them are already beginning to wilt, right? I walked by this one tree that only had a few flowers left, and I thought to myself... I thought to myself, if Sakura-chan didn't exist in my world, my world would be as bleak as that tree right there, with only a few flowers here and there." She sighed, and shook her head. "It was too late to get back all the things she ever gave me. But the memories still haunt me. I think that's enough."

Her head snapped up. "Do you think I'm stupid?"

The question had been coming for some time now. "No," Eriol told her soothingly. "You're not."

"Then why can't I stop?" She sounded angry and frustrated. "I've tried, God knows I've tried. But no matter what, I can't -- I can't, I just can't --"

She felt him taking her into his arms.

"I can't stop..."

She felt him massage small circles in the middle of her back.

"...I can't stop loving her."

She heard him sigh, and felt him hug her more tightly.

"You've lived a tough life, Tomoyo."

"....why?"

"But so have I."

"Is it just the two of us?"

"Maybe so."

"We don't deserve this, do we?"

He was silent. She raised her head slightly to look at him.

"No," he finally said. "No one deserves to go through such pain. Not even us."

--** tsuzuku: to be continued** --


	5. Alone

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Disclaimer: I own not CCS.

Chapter 5: Alone

There was to be a school trip to Hokkaido the following week, and their homeroom teacher was concerned with proper behaviors, proper manners, and last minute details.

"Is it too much to ask," Tomoyo murmured, sitting back and resting her head on Eriol's desk, "to just have one minute, no, one **second** of peace?"

Eriol smiled. "I believe it is."

She made some disgusted, muffled sound, and sighed.

Days like these, he felt truly at home. It was the little things in life -- just the feeling of home, the chattering of the students around them, the sound of the chalk against the blackboard -- that made him feel that way. That, and **her**. He sometime believed she had some kind of magic, magic that held him breathless.

"I think it's too much work," she went on. She closed her eyes. "All the papers. All the packing."

"But it will be nice," Eriol said convincingly. "In Hokkaido, there'll be a clear sky full of stars."

Tomoyo opened her eyes to look at him amusingly. "How do you know that?"

"My dear, Hiiragizawa Eriol knows all," he said with an air of royalty. Tomoyo shook her head.

"You know, I haven't been there," she said wistfully. "I heard it's cold."

Eriol stopped to think. "Mm, it will be. Colder than Tomoeda. Especially now that it's winter."

Winter.

Almost Christmas.

He had been so caught up in everything that he'd nearly forgotten. It was mid-November, and the first sheets of snow had fallen. He remembered, cheerfully, making the trek over to Tomoyo's house, Nakuru following after, stuffing Spinel not-so-courteously in the pocket of her new coat, which he'd gotten for her in advance.

He'd rang the bell, and Tomoyo had answered. He remembered making a little joke about expecting a grand butler to answer the door, but she told him that her mother had given the servants the day off.

"What are you doing here?" she'd asked, blinking.

Eriol waved a hand at the large expanse of snow-covered land. "It's the first snowfall of the season, my dear." He called her that sometimes, 'my dear.' He was sure she didn't mind. "It's a special thing."

"Is it, now?"

"Of course it is," he answered smoothly. "It's the type of thing you're expected to spend with your **boyfriend**."

Tomoyo regarded him with unblinking eyes. Then, reaching over for something, which turned out to be her coat, she quickly put it on and linked arms with him.

"All right. Let's go."

He had thrown more than a few snowballs at her, he recalled. And she'd retaliated, hitting him more than once. And they'd forgotten, if only for a few hours.

"You know, it's almost Christmas," Eriol reminded her.

"Uh-huh. I know."

He smiled, gently stroking her hair. "What do you want?"

She sat up and turned in her seat, placing her elbows on his desk and her chin in her hands, "Are you asking me what I want for Christmas?"

He smiled patiently. "Why wouldn't I?"

Tomoyo stuck out her lower lip, furrowing her brow as she thought. "You said that there is a clear sky of stars in Hokkaido, right?"

He nodded. "Yes. There is."

"You can never get a good view of the stars here in Tomoeda," she murmured.

He grinned. "Would you like to look at the stars one night in Hokkaido?"

She smiled back. "Is it all right?"

He messed up her hair, a playful gesture. "Of course it is."

---

"I've been to Hokkaido once," Sakura informed her, "it was really very pretty. We went there for Christmas, me and Otouchan and Oniichan. It's cold, but the snow is really, really white."

Her jade eyes sparkled, and Tomoyo's heart twisted.

Her happiness is my happiness.

I should be all right, she thought.

I shouldn't be feeling like this, she thought.

I..

I...

"I haven't been to Hokkaido," Li said, putting his arm around Sakura's shoulder. "Are you sure it's really cold?"

Sakura laughed, remembering that Li hated the cold. "It'll be all right," she said, "just bring a lot of sweaters and jackets!"

"And," Eriol added mischievously, "I'm sure Sakura-san will have no problem warming you up, Xiao Lang."

Li turned about a million shades of red, muttering incoherent things under his breath. Tomoyo, although she wasn't feeling well yet, took the chance to whisper in Eriol's ear, "You shouldn't do that."

Eriol smiled. "I know I shouldn't. But I can't help it."

Was it wrong for her to be wanting more? Eriol was her friend -- no, her **boyfriend**, she repeated firmly to herself, although what kind of relationship did they have, exactly? She couldn't tell, not anymore. But she didn't want Eriol, her heart told her, she wanted Sakura.

Was that so wrong?

_"We are two old fools,"_ she'd told Eriol, _"unable to let go of our first loves."_

Sakura was special to her. Time and time again, she found herself glancing her way, and hoping, just hoping, and waiting, waiting and waiting and waiting.

Why?

"Are you okay?" he asked, pulling her closer to him, so that she could stare at herself within those deep pools of neverending blue.

She drew in her breath.

And at that moment, something clicked, something told her, in the most mysterious of ways, that from this moment on, things would never be as they were. Everything would change, one by one, delicately, almost invisibly. Never again would things be the same.

And then, just as quickly as the knowledge had come, it left.

And save for Eriol, she was all alone again.

--** tsuzuku: to be continued** --


	6. Stars

****

Disclaimer: I own not Cardcaptor Sakura.

Chapter 6: Stars

They arrived at Hokkaido at noon, the sun barely peeking through the thick sheets of white clouds. It **was** rather cold, the sky drizzling snowflakes down to the already snow-covered ground.

"It looks more or less like the way I left it," Eriol stated, still smiling.

Tomoyo tried to. Why? What was wrong?

Nothing.

There had to be nothing wrong.

"It does look nice," Tomoyo forced herself to say. What was happening to her now? What was that, that something that whispered in her ear, everything will change, nothing will be the same, not anymore, never again.

"Are you all right?"

She could never hide anything from him.

"Yes," she said, lying, "I guess the trip wore me out."

"The teachers will make us unpack," Eriol said, making a face. "But after that they'll probably make us rest."

"Yeah." She pulled her hair back away from her face. The air was fresh and cold here.

"So the trip here will be a week long," Eriol told her. "When would you like to watch the stars?"

"Tomorrow," she found herself replying. The stars, yes, maybe that would calm her down. Her nerves were shooting up and down, making her jumpy. "Tomorrow night."

"Tomorrow night it is." He kept on smiling at her, she suddenly realized.

"It's too cold," she suddenly told him. She wrapped her arms around herself. "I -- I think I'll go in."

"Okay," he said easily. "I'll get your bags?"

"If you don't mind." She needed to get out of there. The air, previously refreshing, was suddenly much too hot for her, it was choking her, stifling her.

"I'll see you later."

What was wrong with her?

---

Tomoyo slept the rest of the afternoon. They had arranged the futons on the floor to make room for all of the girls. The room was surprisingly large. Her futon was between Chiharu and Sakura. She didn't care. She was so exhausted, but she hadn't even felt it, not until now.

"Ohh.." She groaned. She had a pounding headache.

"Are you okay?"

She jumped.

"Sorry," he said, grinning. It was him. Eriol.

"Are you allowed in here?"

"Yeah. So long as I don't do anything 'untoward,' or so they said. You don't mind, do you?"

Tomoyo fought to shake her head. Which was hurting. It seemed to be hurting even more.

"You really don't look well," Eriol remarked.

"Headache," she managed to mumble.

"Medicine?" He offered her the pack of Tylenol he'd just snatched from the teacher's emergency supplies. She smiled weakly and took the pills, downing them with a long gulp from her bottle of water.

"Don't you want to be out there with them?" she asked. It was only after her urgings that their teacher [a woman, staying with the girls] went out to supervise. The other teacher, staying with the boys in their room, was already out there.

"No." He shook his head. "Xiao Lang won't come within fifty feet of me."

She smiled, patiently. "Can you blame him?"

He laughed. "I guess not."

They sat in silence before Tomoyo sank back into her futon, her head resting against the pillow which was really much too soft for her liking.

"Do you know," Eriol said, "you have a wonderful view of the sky from here.." He gestured to the clear floor-to-ceiling window Tomoyo's futon was adjacent to.

Tomoyo tilted her head to see better. "I didn't notice."

"Well, we won't have to wait until tomorrow night to see the stars, then." Eriol stood up and pulled the curtains back. "Of course, we can still go out tomorrow night so we can really see them."

"It's not dark out yet," Tomoyo reminded him.

"No," Eriol agreed, "but by seven or so, it will be. Let's just wait an hour. Trust me. We'll see the stars."

---

At seven-thirty, half the boys piled into the girls' room, and half of the girls piled into the boys' room. Tomoyo, still dazed, was barely able to sit up in her futon. Eriol, smiling, strode over to her.

The curtain had fallen across the window again, but Tomoyo knew that it was dark enough. Nobody paid attention to the dark-haired couple, too engrossed in their own lives.

"You ready?" Eriol said, smiling. "It's going to be a breathtaking sight."

Her head was pounding.

Her heart was pounding.

"I'm ready," she managed. She smiled weakly.

Eriol drew back the curtains. Tomoyo gasped in awe. The sky was pitch-black already, a million tiny stars scattered throughout, like diamonds. Behind her, she heard the rest of the students gasp as well, and then they enclosed on what had been Eriol's and her private matter.

She coughed.

From across the room, she met Eriol's eyes, still bright, still deep, still blue.

And there went that voice again: Nothing will ever be the same, not anymore. Be ready. Everything will change, one by one, slowly, slowly, slowly...

The sky of stars was forgotten.

All she knew was the boy standing before her.

And she understood.

His eyes shone like the stars.

--** tsuzuku: to be continued** --

Hm. Probably two or three chapters until the end.


	7. Gone

****

Disclaimer: I own not CCS.

Chapter 7: Gone

The blanket of snow shimmered underneath the sun's rays. Eriol, bound up in a thick jacket, with scarves, mittens, and a hat, ventured out into the cold. His glasses fogged up, and he took them off and hastily wiped them clear.

Today, he was alone. Tomoyo still wasn't feeling well, and he didn't feel like going with the rest of the students. He had always been the quiet, loner type, anyway.

Briefly he wondered what the others were doing, and if he should join them. He caught a glimpse of Xiao Lang's beet red face and thought better of it -- there was no telling what he would do that would most likely worsen the matter and send Xiao Lang pummeling his head with a mallet. He walked forward.

Hadn't it been on a day like this Kaho had left him?

He smiled, bittersweetly.

Wryly he thought that it had been a rather short and cruel break-up. She'd called him -- and he'd sensed that there had been some sign of urgency in her voice, but like a blind fool in love, he'd ignored it.

Underneath a cloudy gray sky, with crystal flakes falling, she left him.

"That was four years ago," Tomoyo had told him, purple eyes gazing into his own. "Does it still hurt?"

He'd only smiled.

There was a shop that sold pastries, chocolates, and sweets on the corner of this road, he thought to himself. It might be nice to buy some for Tomoyo so that she might feel better.

When Kaho had broken up with him, she'd given him a box of his favorite brand of chocolates. Like it was supposed to ease the pain or something. Whatever its purpose was, it never fulfilled it, because he'd thrown it out.

Chocolates.

Tomoyo liked chocolate, didn't she?

Maybe not as much as Xiao Lang..

But it would work.

He strode up to the cashier. "Yes, I'd like a box of those chocolates over there, please..."

---

When he got back to the hotel, he busied himself with wrapping the box. This wasn't his Christmas present, of course, but he would be sure to get her one when they got back to Tomoeda.

He'd noticed that Tomoyo had been acting strangely. Maybe he should ask her about it later.

"What's that?" Yamazaki asked curiously. "Chocolates? Can I have some?"

Eriol smiled wanly. "Maybe later. I'm **wrapping **them, you know -- I'm giving them to someone."

"Tomoyo?"

His blue-haired head nodded in acknowledgement.

"Chocolates?" Xiao Lang visibly perked up.

"Did you know," Yamazaki said, his eyes taking on a certain glow, "that chocolates were originally made as offerings to the gods so that they wouldn't eat the humans?"

Xiao Lang raised an eyebrow.

"It's true," Yamazaki went on, "but this was way back when the evil gods ruled. One day, a bold, strong man -- help me out, Eriol, I'm losing him --"

Eriol carefully tucked the gift underneath his futon. " -- a bold strong man decided he'd had enough of the evil gods' tyranny and he decided to add some **wine** into the chocolate," he supplied.

" -- and the evil gods drank it and got drunk, naturally --"

Eriol grinned. He would just have to ask Tomoyo later.

---

The stars shone, much like they did on the previous night, but there was something about seeing them right there, not just through a piece of clear glass, that made it seem magical, ethereal.

Tomoyo wore a thick blue jacket, and she huddled close to Eriol for warmth. He looked at her apologetically.

"Are you sure you should be out here?" he asked quietly.

She nodded firmly. "I'm fine."

He knew better, but he didn't say anything else.

"Is that a shooting star?" Tomoyo's voice jerked him awake; he turned to see a flash of white zoom across the sky.

"I believe it is," he answered pleasantly. "Why don't you make a wish?"

She smiled sadly, but she closed her eyes anyway.

"What did you wish for?" he asked peevishly, already knowing what she would say.

She smiled again. "If I tell you, it won't come true."

Eriol pretended to look hurt. "I thought you trusted me."

Tomoyo laughed.

"I was wondering," Eriol said after a bit of silence, "if there was something wrong with you. Something bothering you. Anything you'd like to tell me?"

Tomoyo didn't say anything for awhile. She leaned against him, and he waited, patiently.

"I never could hide anything from you," she said, a little disappointed.

Eriol chuckled. "We're two peas in a pod."

"Do you really want to know?"

Her eyes met his, and he found himself drowning in them.

"Of course I do."

She shook her head, raven tresses flying about. "I don't think you do."

"Tomoyo --" He drew her closer to him. "What is it? You can tell me."

Her eyes watered, for a brief moment, and then she blinked and they were dry again.

Suddenly, he didn't think he wanted to know anymore.

"Eriol --" She fell short, but looked back up again. "I love you."

And then he suddenly understood, and he felt the weight of the world on his shoulders, the weight of his heart, and the weight of hers, which, at times, weighed even more.

"Tomoyo --" She had looked away from him.

He placed a hand on her chin and turned her to face him.

What was this? There was something in his throat, in his chest -- in his heart, and he was finding it extremely hard to breathe and talk.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. Her face fell, but there was something -- acceptance, perhaps, in her eyes.

"I know," she said. "I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, I'm glad you told me." What was this, struggling somewhere in his chest? His heart? Struggling, crying..

"Can we still watch the stars?" Her voice was muffled against his shoulder.

"Yes," he said, "we'll watch the stars."

They sat there, on the rusty park bench, gazing up at the pitch-black sky, illuminated by a million tiny lights, looking down on them. Eventually, Eriol's eyes felt heavy and they closed.

When he woke up in the morning, she was gone.

--** tsuzuku: to be continued** --

This story is so emotionally draining. Two more chapters, I think..


	8. Risen

****

Disclaimer: I own not CCS.

Chapter 8: Risen

"Tomoyo-chan," her mother called. Tomoyo turned. There was something in her mother's eyes that told her that something big was going to happen. And there went that voice again: _Things will never be the same, never again_.

"Yes?" She asked primly. She didn't have the ideal relationship with her mother, but she **was** still the woman who had birthed her, who had taken care of her.

Sonomi bit her lip. "Something's come up," she said hesitantly. "For...inexplicable reasons, I'll have to go to America to take care of the business."

Tomoyo felt dizzy. "Temporarily?"

Sonomi walked to her daughter. She regretted that their relationship couldn't have been any better. She wearily touched her daughter's hair -- the hair that reminded her of Nadeshiko.

"No, honey. Permanently."

"I see." What did she feel? So many emotions surging through her that she couldn't even tell. She should have felt hate and anger -- but -- no, she felt..relief?

"I'm sorry," Sonomi said, looking deep into her daughter's eyes. "I'll hate to be away from you, but if you really want to say here in Tomoeda, I'll let you. I'm sure there's a boarding school I can get you into, and you can still be close to here and you can still see Sakura-chan and all your other friends --"

"No." Tomoyo shook her head, "I'll go with you."

Sonomi jerked in surprise. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." Tomoyo smiled suddenly, an empty smile. "There are things that have happened that I'd like to forget."

Her daughter was a mystery, a code that couldn't be cracked. Sonomi knew. She was somewhat like that herself, she realized. She smiled, and hugged her daughter for the first time in years.

"We leave this Saturday."

Today was Tuesday. Plenty of time, Tomoyo thought.

"Thank you," she whispered to her mother.

"Don't worry," Sonomi hugged her daughter closer to her. This city, too, held many painful memories for her.

---

Her hair fell into her face, and she didn't bother to brush back the stray strands. She had Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Three days. And then she would leave.

Was she a coward? she thought bitterly. For running?

There are things that no one can bear.

Not even her.

The girl with a heart of stone, yet fragile as glass.

Her suitcases were open, with various pieces of clothing hastily draped over the sides. She was going too fast, but she didn't care. There were too many things to be done.

She stopped when she reached her old video camera. She smiled sadly. This held many memories. How many times had she taped Sakura-chan with this, as her own quiet little way of capturing her first love?

She buried the camera underneath the stack of wrinkled clothes.

Eriol. How had he done this to her?

How had she let himself do this to her?

She should have known better.

He had given her a box of chocolates. Tomoyo shook her head. She had given them to her mother.

She would, eventually, have to tell her friends. And, him. But he would be last. She would save him for last.

Her heart ached. She had gone through more than enough. Sixteen years of anguish and grief would be enough for anyone to want to run away, she reasoned. There was no need to feel guilty. She **deserved** to leave.

She needed to forget.

She didn't want to remember.

She **wanted** to forget.

---

What was it -- that painful, longing look in her eyes?

It was just like him.

Daidouji Tomoyo, Eriol suddenly realized, wasn't as strong as she made others thing she was. She was strong enough, in her own right, but yet so weak and frail at the same time.

When she told him she loved him, she knew that she was putting herself up for a big, painful fall. He had tried to lessen the blow, but he knew that it had still hurt. Kaho had done the same thing. She had tried to be kind, but the kindness had almost made it worse.

Something tight, something painful, constricted his heart. He clutched at it instinctively. It was beating, loudly, loudly, loudly, and it was trying to tell him something, but he had never been good at listening to his heart...

What?

What?

What was it trying to tell him?

What was it saying?

He remembered her eyes again.

Those sad, wistful eyes.

Amethyst.

It was foolish, he abruptly berated himself, to try to sum up those pools of purple in a single, fancy word. Was that why Tomoyo disliked the name?

He hated to be the one to break her heart, again. But he hadn't asked for it. It had come as a surprise, a shock to him. He was sorry, he was so, so sorry..

He wanted to hold her in his arms. He blinked at the realization -- but it was true. He wanted to hold her, and never let her go. She had cried for a second. She'd tried to hide it, but he'd seen the wetness in her eyes. He didn't want to make her cry; he never wanted to. He wanted to hold her.

He wanted to hold her.

He didn't want to let her go.

What?

His heart pulsed, _ba-bump, ba-bump_. He started.

_"We are two old fools, unable to let go of our first loves."_

Tomoyo.

Kaho.

He fell on the ground, landing unceremoniously on the cold tile floor. He drew his knees up to his chin, and held his head in his hands.

Tomoyo.

He didn't need Kaho anymore.

There was someone else.

How could he have been so blind? It was as clear as day, as clear as the stars in the sky. From that very moment he'd laid his eyes on her that autumn morning, something had changed, and he was foolish to believe otherwise.

There were things that weren't meant to be, but then again, there were other things that were. He needed her, he wanted her, he loved the feeling of her in his arms, leaning against him, feeling whole, for the first time.

He had hurt her. He'd never meant to.

He was so sorry.

The sun had fallen. The moon had risen.

-- **tsuzuku: to be continued** --


	9. Walked Away

****

Disclaimer: I own not CCS.

Chapter 9: Walked Away

It was Friday.

Tomoyo had told everyone. Sakura-chan. Rika. Naoko. Chiharu. Li-kun. Yamazaki. Sensei.

Everyone, except Eriol.

She would be leaving for America tomorrow morning, at promptly eleven forty-five a.m. There was no other chance, save for this afternoon. She would walk home with him. They had done so, without ever bringing up the incident that had occured underneath the sparkling glow of the stars.

She needed to tell him.

He had a right to know, after all.

"Oh, Tomoyo-chan." Sakura squeezed her friend's hand. Whether or not she knew, Tomoyo might never find out, but for now, she was comforted by the fact that she was simply there. "I'm going to miss you so much."

"I'll miss you too, Sakura-chan." She was calm, cool, and collected. She pulled her best friend into a tight, fierce hug.

"You'll visit, right?" Sakura's tear-filled emerald eyes met her own.

She would. Tomoyo already knew she would. Sometime, far into the future, when it didn't hurt as much.

"Of course I will." Tomoyo tried to smile. "Nothing will keep me from my best friend." Behind Sakura, she saw Li-kun, who smiled uncertainly. He walked closer, and hesitantly patted Tomoyo's hand.

"We're all going to miss you," he said softly.

He knew. She knew he knew. But he'd never said anything, and she appreciated that.

Tomoyo hugged him as well. "I'll miss you too. Take care of her."

He nodded. "You take care of yourself too."

"I will." Tomoyo didn't like tears, and so she tried to rid the whole moment of them. "Invite me to your wedding, okay?"

Sakura bawled, but Li-kun had the decency to blush.

"I'll film the whole thing," Tomoyo declared. Her vision was blurring. The tears were too strong. They were winning.

"No, you'll be more important than that," sobbed Sakura, "you'll be my bridesmaid."

Tomoyo smiled, not at all surprised. "Then it's a promise. Okay?"

"Okay!" Sakura fell into her arms. Tomoyo calmly soothed her, stroking her auburn hair.

It wasn't enough, not anymore.

Sakura wasn't it anymore.

There was someone else.

And he had just walked in.

"What's going on?" Eriol's normally clear eyes were narrowed in confusion.

Her heart trembled. So did she as she struggled to stand up.

"You guys.." She waved at Li-kun and Sakura-chan, the only ones who had stayed this late. "I'll see you later. Okay?"

She left with Eriol, who did not let her off the hook so easily.

"What's happening?" He sounded confused and alarmed. "Why was Sakura-san crying?"

There was no need to beat around the bush. "I'm leaving tomorrow," she replied crisply.

"Leaving?" He didn't understand.

"I'm going to America." She quickened her pace. The walk back to her house was a ten minute walk, but she'd found that if she walked quickly enough, she could lessen it to about six or seven minutes.

"America?" He had no difficulty keeping up with her. "What are you talking about?"

"My mother...has to go to America to manage the business."

"What are you saying?" He stopped walking.

She didn't. "I'm leaving for America."

He reached out and pulled her to a forceful stop. "For good?"

She didn't meet his eyes. "For good."

"And you didn't tell me?!" His voice was loud and angry. Tomoyo didn't comprehend why. Unexpectedly angry, she yanked her arm out of his grasp.

"Why do I have to tell you anything?!" she yelled, emotions pouring out of her.

"We're **friends**," he snarled viciously.

"Friends?" She laughed, bitterly. "You've been avoiding me. Friends."

"I didn't want to," he said hollowly.

"You did," she told him coldly. She began walking again. "I understand that you can't feel the same way. I don't blame you. But you could have done more, you could have helped me, you could have helped me to heal. You left me, Eriol, you abandoned me."

"Tomoyo --" He started, but stopped. "Look. I'm sorry."

"That's not good enough anymore." She walked faster. "I'm sorry, too. We never should have done this, Eriol. Look how it ended. I didn't want it to end this way. We could have still been friends, at least."

"Why didn't you tell me?" His anger had dissipated.

"It hurt too much, okay?" She turned to face him. "I'm sorry. I really am. I -- I have to go."

She turned from him and ran.

He let her go.

---

"Sakura-san!" He ran to catch up with her, ignoring Xiao Lang's heated glares. "Please. Tell me. Tomoyo."

He wasn't making sense anymore. It was Saturday.

There was so little time left.

He had to go.

"Eriol-kun?" Sakura blinked.

"Tomoyo. When's her flight? Where?"

Sakura finally understood. "The local airport," she answered. "Gate 15. Eleven forty-five. I wanted to see her off, but she wouldn't let me." She hung her head.

"Eleven forty-five.." Eriol murmured. It was already eleven. It would take at least a half hour to get to the airport. His magic had dwindled; he didn't think he could use it to get him there.

"Thank you," he called breathlessly, already running.

---

He was breathing loudly and sweating, but he didn't care. Glancing at the clock, he saw that it was eleven forty. They must have boarded by now. He swore.

Gate 15, Gate 15..

Even if she didn't feel the same way, he had to let her know. He had to tell her.

She was there.

She was there.

About to enter the plane.

"Tomoyo!" His voice was louder than he'd intended it to be, attracting the stares of the other people present. She turned, frowning at him.

He begged her with his eyes to listen.

She heaved a heavy sigh and shuffled over to him, fingers tightening around the straps of the leather bag she wore on her shoulder.

"What is it, Eriol?" Her eyes were heavy, and she was tired.

He had to tell her.

"I love you," he told her breathlessly, "I know I was stupid but -- I just realized -- don't leave --"

"Eriol.." Tomoyo bit her lip, tears falling, "please. Don't do this."

What? "What?" he asked out loud. "What are you saying?"

Her eyes were puffy and red already. "Don't do this to me! Don't just -- don't just tell me you don't love me and then come running up to me at the last second! Don't. Stop. Please."

"Didn't you hear me?" He was incredulous. "I love you."

"Eriol.." Her eyes were wet. "I'm tired. Look at me. I can't do this. Don't. Don't do this."

"Tomoyo-chan!" A woman he recognized as Tomoyo's mother called to her. "We'll miss our flight!"

"I'm sorry," she told him. Her hand found his hand, and she held it tightly, as if trying to memorize the feel of it.

Underneath a cloudy gray sky with crystal flakes falling, Eriol watched as she walked away.

--** tsuzuku: to be continued** --

Next chapter's the last! [That airport scene reminded me so much of the Friends finale.. ]


	10. Welcome Back

****

Disclaimer: I own not Cardcaptor Sakura...or the song. More details at the end.

Chapter 10: Epilogue: Welcome Back

Tomoyo, older by seven years, wavy dark hair pulled back into a ponytail, opened the envelope, smiling.

_"Tomoyo-chan! It's me, Sakura-chan. You haven't visited us yet. But you've called me every month, so I'll forgive you. Guess what? Syaoran-kun finally proposed to me! Oniichan wasn't happy in the beginning, but I think Yukito's working on him. Otouchan's really happy for me. I wanted a small ceremony, but Syaoran-kun says that his mom and all his family from Hong Kong are coming, so we have to make it bigger and fancier. Anyway, I haven't forgotten what you told me. You're going to be my bridesmaid, right? The wedding's on the 18th. Write back, or call me, or just surprise me! Love, Sakura-chan."_

So Li-kun had finally proposed. She grinned. No, she hadn't forgotten. And she hadn't planned to. She knew she was going, and she as going to be Sakura-chan's bridesmaid. It would be a touching ceremony.

And, undoubtedly, Eriol would be there.

The scars were embedded deeply into her heart, and she knew that it would be impossible for them to fade completely. But they didn't hurt as much, and she had learned to cope with the pain. She would go back to see them all again, and she would be happy.

The wedding was on the eighteenth. Today was the tenth. Tomoyo quirked an eyebrow; had it been part of Sakura-chan's plan to give her merely a week to get there to Tomoeda?

She was her best friend.

She was her first love.

Of course she would go.

Tomoyo found a blank piece of paper and a black pen.

_"Dear Sakura-chan..."_

---

"From Daidouji?" Syaoran peered over Sakura's shoulder to read.

Sakura whacked Syaoran's head playfully. "It's my letter. You can't read it."

"You read all the letters from my mom," he retorted.

Sakura laughed. "It's from Tomoyo-chan."

"She's coming, isn't she?"

"Of course she is. I know I can depend on my best friend."

---

Eriol would be lying if he said that he'd forgotten about Tomoyo, because, quite frankly, he hadn't. Tomoyo had understood him, and he had understood her. He'd been with a few women since then, but none of them could ever truly take the place of the enigma known as Daidouji Tomoyo. He wondered if she had married since then. It was too much to hope that she had spent the rest of her life like him: waiting and pining hopelessly for someone that had left, someone that had hurt..

Now it was Sakura-san and his descendant's wedding. He knew he would be getting some part in the wedding, something more than just a guest, anyway. Best man might be too much to hope for, but he knew that Xiao Lang had only him, Yamazaki, Touya, and Yukito. He probably had a slim chance.

Another thing he knew was that Tomoyo would be there. It was, after all, Sakura's wedding, and Sakura-san was Tomoyo' best friend, and best friends normally attended each other's weddings. Tomoyo would be there, undoubtedly, as one of Sakura-san's bridesmaids.

Was he ready to see her again?

Or would all the memories come rushing back?

More or less, he had been at fault, partly for suggesting that they cross the line and become a couple, while promising that there would be no love involved. That had most likely triggered it all. And hadn't he been the one to approach her?

It was, pretty much, all his fault.

He wished he could have seen that coming.

But bygones were bygones, and he couldn't change anything anymore. Tomoyo would be coming. He would have to see her. She would have to see him. And life would go on.

He had lived such a poor, pathetic existence.

Reincarnation of Clow Reed.

He didn't need it.

He needed her.

---

Tomoyo arrived in Tomoeda on the fifteenth. Sakura-chan and Li-kun picked her up, and they exchanged the usual hugs and chatter. Tomoyo forced Sakura-chan to show her the ring, and she marveled. It was a beautiful little diamond ring, not too big, but not too small.

"I can't wait," Sakura chirped, "it'll be so much fun."

"I'm disappointed, though," Tomoyo said, jokingly, "that you didn't ask me to design your dress, Sakura-chan."

Sakura laughed. "You came too late," she said innocently, "there wouldn't have been any time."

"Is that so?"

"Ohhh!" Sakura hugged her best friend fiercely. "I only picked one bridesmaid, and that's you. Syao-kun's still deciding on his best man, though. He's stuck between Yamazaki and Eriol-kun."

Tomoyo stiffened, ever so slightly.

"He says that Yamazaki might start telling one of his long lies again. And that Eriol-kun's just plain scary."

Tomoyo forced a laugh. "I see Touya isn't on your list."

Li-kun wisely said nothing.

Tomoyo stared out the car window as Sakura's chatter ceased. She'd known for a long time that she couldn't hide from him forever, that she would have to see him again one day. So why was she so...so afraid?

"We're here," Sakura announced, pulling up in front of her house. Tomoyo smiled reminiscently. The house looked exactly the same as she had left it.

They brought her luggage in first, but Tomoyo lingered outside, staring at the house, at the yard, at the gate, and at all the houses surrounding it. It looked the same. Nothing had changed.

She hadn't wanted it to.

"..._aoi tori ga tobu you na hareta kirei na hi desu.._" She hummed, closing her eyes.

Then they flew open.

Someone was walking behind her. Her heart clamored, making loud noises in her head. She wasn't ready yet. She wasn't, she wasn't. She should have gone in the house. Should she run? Would that be too cowardly?

Someone stopped behind her. She froze.

Someone put a hand hesitantly on her shoulder.

She knew his touch.

She knew it so well.

She shivered.

The silence enveloped them, but they were used to the silence. It was their companion.

"I'm back," she finally said, for lack of anything else to say.

Eriol smiled, putting his arms around her and pulling her close to him, holding her in his arms. She didn't push away.

"Welcome back."

[_kitto kazoe-kirenai hikari de futari ga chigireteku no wa naze?  
kanashimi no TSUTA ni karamaru boku wa kono mama  
kono mama da yo  
kitto itsumo kimi wa shiranakute te wo tsunaide mo tooku ni ite  
kanashimi no TSUTA ga maki-agaru sora koboreru hikari ni umoreteku  
umoreteku _]

[Amid the myriad of light, why is it the two of us must surely fall apart?  
Entwined in vines of misery, I'll just go on  
I'll just go on  
And it's you that I'll surely never understand  
Though I clasp your hand, you're still so far away  
The sky that twines the vines of misery  
Buries us, buries us in its overflowing light]  
_  
_--** owari: the end** --

a line from the song, Aoi Tori. In English, it's translated as "It's the kind of beautiful, clear day on which a blue bird might fly"

This has been a long and emotionally draining journey. This, I think, is as angsty and depressing and dark as I can get. And it wasn't even all that dark, lol. But I think it's still pretty good angst. I wanted to write a darker story about Eriol and Tomoyo. I haven't seen any like this, so I think I succeeded. I'm so tired now. I want to sleep!!

The song at the end is a verse from a song called "Aoi Tori" sung by Plastic Tree. It's a good song. I LOVE PURATURI! [Yeahhh, I've used about..hm, three of their songs now? Heehee. ;;]

Thanks for being so patient with me! Goshness, this author sure appreciates it.

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never-be-normal - lol, thanks! hahah, your review made me smile.

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stranger12 - XD I saw the length of your review and my eyes just bulged out. I'm happy that you really enjoyed the story so much that you found it worth begging for! [did that make sense? o.O] I hope you find the ending satisfactory.

AND TO THE REST OF YOU WHO DOUBTED ME [just kidding, just kidding ;;;] HERE IT IS, IT'S DONE, DONE, DONE.


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